Remember that song from the nineties? By Gabrielle?
Dreams can come true
Look at me babe I’m with you
You know you gotta have hope
You know you gotta be strong
Now I agree that dreams “can” come true, and that you “gotta have hope” and you also “gotta be strong” (note: core training such as pilates can really help with this). But I think is is downright presumptious for Gabrielle to be stating that that “look at me babe, I’m with you”. With what running pedigree? A quick lookup of the atheletics running times website Power of Ten reveals no entries. And a quick consultation of the rest of the lyrics of Dreams brings out this frankly lackidasical training ethos. Things like:”I’m not making plans for tomorrow let’s live for tonight”. What kind of half-arsed training plan is that? Gabrielle, I don’t think you’ll be with me for anything further than the first two miles!
Further research lead me to notice that Gabrielle actually wears an eye patch which I think tells us everything we need to know. Gabrielle is clearly some kind of pirate, some kind of lusty seafarer roving the seven seas for treasure. And in my experience I’ve found they typically make the worst runners. Here are some of the reasons why pirates make terrible runners:
WHY PIRATES MAKE TERRIBLE RUNNERS
- Poor diet – rum, salt beef and hard tack is not going to get you through a 3 hour run
- They are always at sea – this greatly limits training time
- Poor running attire – As anyone knows, pantalooms really chafe when you start training 30+ miles a week
- Reliance of outdated prosthetics – People don’t even use insoles anymore, let alone wooden legs
- Lack of focus – Sure, in training you can happily stop whenever you like to look for treasure, not during the race though. The clock will keep running as you dig